Have you ever felt completely worthless? Have you ever thought to yourself, "This world would be a better place without me?" Well, that is how someone made me feel recently. It sucks. It is a dark place to be and those are awful feelings to feel. The sad part is, I totally believed all of it. I am not a cryer. I don't cry on purpose. I am an "ugly" cryer and I avoid it at all cost. Well, I bawled uncontrollably for HOURS yesterday. I felt wretched. If you have felt that way or are feeling that way now, I am sorry. It just plain sucks. I normally don't feel those things. I am a happy person who can make the best of most things that come my way. But, yesterday I felt like someone punched me in the gut. My chest was tight, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't stop crying. The worst part of it all was that I knew it was my fault for letting them make me feel that way. I still couldn't help it though.
Luckily I had a field trip to go on today that forced me to put it behind me and get out of bed...feeling worthless and all. I told myself that I wasn't going to talk to anyone because all I do is irritate people. I wasn't going to be loud and obnoxious and say dumb things to make people laugh. I was going to sit back and just be quiet as to not offend or annoy anyone. Guess what? I learned that is impossible for me to do. I was late getting to the school on purpose because I just wanted to get on the bus and sit by myself and not have to socialize. Well, a cute mom came and sat right next to me. I could tell she needed a friend and I just couldn't help myself. Before I knew it I was making jokes about the cute little old lady bus driver (Millie) and the teen heart throb picture she had on her mirror. I CAN'T HELP IT! It must be some kind of personality disorder that I have.
It's actually Chris' fault for wrapping his arms around me and telling me he loves me. He knew exactly what I was feeling. He got the same emails I got and was upset by them too. He told me how great he thinks I am and how he couldn't make sense out of it either. It's also my kids' fault for sensing that I was upset and being super nice to me. They make me so happy. Even when they make me frustrated, I can't help being happy. It's also my fault for having friends that care about me. Even when I don't want to be cared about. See how many people there are to blame? :)
So, anyways, I decided that the haters can do what they want, say what they want, believe what they want and feel what they want. I can't be a part of it any longer. It is going to be a painful process to eliminate that kind of hate in my life. Especially when it was uncalled for. So, I reactivated my facebook account and did some friend auditing (with more to come). I turned my phones back on. I finally feel like the world is a better place even if I AM in it still. :) Thanks to you, my fellow bloggers (and/or blog stalkers...you know who you are...) for letting me vent to you. Thanks for making me feel like I'm not completely worthless. You will never know how much that means to me and how glad I am that I didn't delete my blog and crawl back into bed to never come out again.
Me and my group. Mason's teacher gave me some seriously naughty boys! It was so hard to keep track of them all day!!
Mase loved playing at the park in the zoo...he would have been happy to just do that!
Up close & personal with a peacock. :)
Yes, he measures up to the "juvenile" gorilla. :)
Kindergarteners have a really hard time walking around the zoo ALL day long! He was so done at this point...and we were only about 1/2 way thru! 
Ya gotta get a picture with the tiger statue!
Mase and one of his best buddies checkin' out the rhinos!
LOVE that baby elephant!
LOVE that boy!!
The tigers were actually out and about today. It was a good thing, since most of the zoo animals are no longer & there just isn't that much to see anymore. Besides the giraffes, tigers, elephants and rhinos I don't think we saw many animals at all. It was a really fun day though and I'm so glad I got to spend it with my Mase! :) 
